This allows her to pick and choose who she wants to be, but it has the side effect of denying her children the ability to feel whole. She chooses not to revisit her time as Rachel, a Jewish child and young adult, and as a result Rachel becomes another woman, dead to her. Suspecting but not knowing half of his racial makeup, the first thirty years of his life are partially defined by identity crises fueled largely by his half-filled-in family tree, and the years after are defined by an attempt to reconcile the two new halves of himself. James’s identity is deeply informed by his lack of knowledge of his mother’s past, and then rewritten as he uncovers her experiences with whiteness and Judaism. James and his siblings are therefore left knowing only about their black heritage, all the while sensing that there is a hidden aspect of themselves yet to be revealed. Cultural memory and familial history are important for the identity formation of children, and Ruth denies her sons and daughters a key piece of their racial puzzle. However, Ruth isn’t the only one affected by her memories. Rachel Shilsky only exists in memories, and because Ruth chooses not to access these memories, Rachel essentially ceases to exist and Ruth continues on without a past. She uses her memories to divide her life in half, and attempts to erase the earlier version of herself. Ruth McBride-Jordan sees her former self, Rachel Shilsky, as an entirely separate person.
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